


Love kills

by Holtzexmachina



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Don't worry, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Holtzbert - Freeform, Lovesickness, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, it's all good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 07:32:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15601404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holtzexmachina/pseuds/Holtzexmachina
Summary: Loving that woman will be the death of her.





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Love sickness is a real thing. I hope my vague attempt at a scientific explanation holds water.

She wasn't quite sure when it started.

 

In the last few weeks she had been acting differently, she knew. The others had told her so in their concerned looks, and questions of "are you okay?" and "Hey, you are looking a little strange, you doing alright?"

At first the mad rush to complete tasks had gone unnoticed, as it was very like Holtz to become obsessed over a project. After a while though, Holtz noticed small things, like how she felt nauseous whenever she saw Erin, and got a pain in her head when she thought about her, followed by a desperate need to reorganise her tool drawer.

So far, no one seemed to suspect much was seriously wrong, after all, Holtz was known to act strangely. But the team knew something was seriously up when Abby walked into the lab and found Holtz crying in a ball on the floor, lying in her own vomit, shaking uncontrollably.

"Holtz?" Abby had said in a low voice, walking slowly over to where the engineer lay. She nearly jumped out of her skin when Holtz snapped her head up, eyes wide, and shouted at her to go away.

"Okay sweetie we gotta get you to a doctor, this is bad."

"Hey, what's all the shouting-" Erin stopped as she saw the scene before her and dropped her coffee mug, leaving it smashed on the floor as she rushed to the engineer's side, hands flailing around, not wanting to touch her in case that made things worse.

"Erin, I gotta take her to the ER, this is something serious. I wonder if..." Abby trailed off; she had a suspicion she knew what was wrong with Holtz, especially since the engineer had curled up and groaned when Erin had approached her. "Ah, it's nothing." She added when Erin gave her a worried look.

 

Two hours later, here she was, in a hospital bed, with a doctor standing over her trying to explain the situation. Holtz couldn't bring herself to believe what he was saying.

"All this over some crush? Seriously?"

"As I said, Dr. Holtzmann," the doctor replied, "love sickness is in fact an incredibly serious disease. It can and will be fatal. All we can do is give you some medication to stave off the effects and symptoms, but after a while even they won't help. I'm afraid it is only a matter of weeks, maybe months. I am so sorry."

Holtz lay there, staring blankly at the wall.

 

 _Weeks._ She thought to herself.

 

"Is there no cure? Nothing?" Abby asked, a firm and sincere tone telling Holtz she was trying so hard to stay calm. She knew her friend probably already had plans A through Z mapped out, and couldn't bring herself to tell her it was no use.

 

_Weeks._

 

The doctor told them the only cure was returned love. "Fairytale like, but it's true. The returned love reignites the neurons which basically tell you to function. Right now they are giving up." At this, Holtz knew she may as well give up now. 

 

 _Erin Gilbert could never love me._ She felt another wave of nausea, and braced herself for the weeks to come.


	2. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtz is struggling with the voices in her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with some dark thoughts and a bit of mania, just to warn people :)

"Love sickness: how to cope with it" Holtz read in a dismal tone, as she and Abby rode back to the firehouse in a cab.

"How are you going to break it to the others?" Abby asked, her hand on the engineer's arm comfortingly.

Holtz immediately glared at Abby, grabbing her hand. "No. They can't know. Especially not Erin." Abby gave her an incredulous look. "I can't tell her she is killing me; I couldn't deal with her having to bear that burden. Please, Abby."

The researcher sighed. "I can't say no to you. Just, think about it, okay? You could tell her without her knowing about this, and if she says no then she doesn't feel guilty and you aren't putting any burden on her."

Holtz hesitated, before nodding. "I guess I can think about it. Thanks Abs." She gave her friend a sad smile, breaking Abby's heart even more.

 

They rode the rest of the way in silence.

 

\--------------------------------

 

"Hey, Patty, Holtz is back!" Erin shouted as she jumped up from her desk, running to the door.

"Take it easy guys, she is still pretty weak."Abby warned the other two girls. 

"So, what did the doctor say?" Erin asked, a worried expression on her face.

"Don't sweat it, hot stuff," Holtz winked at Erin, "just a bit of overworking. Wasn't eating enough, not enough sleep, blah blah etc etc., you get the gist." Abby shot her a warning look, but relaxed when she saw how scared the blonde woman looked when she glanced back at her.

"I'm gonna take her upstairs to her room. See you in a bit guys."Abby kept her arm around the engineer's waist, and guided her up the stairs and out of sight.

Erin watched them go, her mind working as she registered the scared look she saw flash across the engineer's face. She knew there was more to it, but decided Holtz could tell them when she was ready.

The physicist had been struggling for a while with her feelings, and seeing the engineer so ill just cemented in her mind that what she felt for her was much more than friendship. But, she figured, she had plenty of time to work up to telling her about it.

 

She had no idea how wrong she was.

 

\-------------------------------

It was two weeks later that the voices started.

 

Holtz was up in her lab one morning, working on Abby's ghost puncher. She was trying to add more force to it, so it didn't run down so fast on busts.

 _You know you can't tell her._ Holtz looked up, before realising the voice was her own, and it was coming from her mind.  _You know Abby is wrong. Why bother? Telling her would just make her feel bad, anyway. She hates you, she hates you, she hates you, shehatesyoushehatesyoushehatesyou-_

"SHUT UP!" Holtz shouted, only realising she had spoken aloud when Erin jumped and turned around. "Sorry, I didn't realise I was bothering you. I can go." Erin made for the door.

"No, stop, it wasn't you, it was... um... something else." She gave the physicist a warm smile. "Sorry to make you jump, cupcake." She noted how Erin blushed, clearly embarrassed.  _See, you are making her uncomfortable. Just let her leave. Stop being an idiot and see the signs._ Holtz started singing to drown out the voice, singing Rhythm of the Night, a song she knew always cheered her up. But the voice carried on, singing too, but twisting the lyrics.

_You're a mess, and Erin hates your face,_

_She wants you to leave this place,_

_There was never any point for you to try,_

_You were always gonna die!_

Suddenly Holtz was screaming, and throwing a pipe across the room, smashing a lamp as it hit a shelf unit by the door. Erin jumped up, staring at Holtz in horror. 

"Erin, I am so sorry. Just get out. I don't want to hurt you. Please." When Erin didn't move, her voice grew louder, and she just shouted "Get out! Get out!" Over and over, as Erin ran down the stairs in tears.

 

Holtz collapsed against the wall, sinking to the floor. She clutched at her hair as tears streamed down her face, feeling so lost, and so broken.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay that got dark. I swear it ends happy guys just hold on.


	3. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby caves

Abby looked up from her laptop when she heard someone running down the stairs. She saw Erin, tears streaming down her face, running towards her across the firehouse floor, and she stood from her desk to catch the physicist as she collapsed into her friend's arms.

"Hey, hey, what's going on?"

Erin just sobbed into her shoulder for a minute, before managing to look up at Abby, and when she finally spoke her voice was shaky.

"Holtz is acting r-really.. weird" she choked out. "She started shouting and threw stuff across the room, and then screamed at me? Abby, I am really worried about her!"

Abby pressed her lips together, deciding whether it would be the right choice. Then she sees Erin's face, full of worry and fear, and knows what she has to do.

"Hey, Erin?"

"Mmhmm?" The physicist looks up.

"Let's go and sit down. We need to talk."

 

\---------------------------------------------------

 

Erin sat in shock. "So, she is dying?" 

Abby had told her everything, just as she had told Patty the week before, sitting on the couch in the lounge area, making sure Holtz wasn't listening by checking the stairs every now and again.

"Yes. She told me to keep my mouth shut, but I had to tell you. I know you like her Erin." The physicist shot her a wide eyed stare. "Oh come on, everyone knows! Except Holtz, obviously."

Erin nodded. "I do like her. A lot." When Abby seemed confused at how sad she sounded, Erin continued, "Look, you said the cure was love, right? But I don't know if I actually love her. What if I tell her I do, not actually sure, and it doesn't work? She will know I was lying! And then she will be gone and I will be why..."

 

"She will die, Erin. Holtz will be gone, and we'll never see her again except on a gravestone..." Abby trailed off, breaking down into sobs. 

Erin had started crying too, and she pulled Abby into an embrace, the both of them sobbing silently.

Erin was only sure in that moment, as everything seemed to slot into place.

And she knew what she had to do.


	4. Completion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain, angst, fluff, so many emotions

Holtz heard footsteps coming up to the lab. She knew from the sound that they were Erin's, and also because the closer she got, the more sick she felt. 

The doctor had told her this might happen; as her condition worsened, she could have an almost allergic reaction to Erin, and the closer she got, the faster her health deteriorates.

Which is why she feels her chest tighten and her head thump as Erin walks towards her.  _Horrible, wrong, no, bad_ the voice she had been hearing so often now shouted at her, the negative words getting louder the closer Erin got.

Erin saw Holtz's expression turn sour and upset as she got closer, scrunching her nose up and every muscle in her body tensing. Abby had told her that Holtz was so bad she could die if Erin touched her for too long, so the physicist knew she didn't have much time.

It was crushing her, she could see Holtz dying with every step she took, and her heart grew painful as she saw the engineer clutch her own in agony.

"Holtz." It was like Erin's words were spikes of ice, stabbing her in the heart, and it hurt, and she wanted her to stop.

"Holtz, I have to talk to you. Abby told me everything. I know it hurts, I have to tell you..." She stopped when the engineer looked up at her.

Holtz glared at her, her face pale and her body almost convulsing in pain. "Go... away... hurts...."

"No, Holtz, I want to make it stop hurting... Holtz!" She screamed as the engineer collapsed to the floor, forgetting all her carefulness as she ran to her side, stroking the unconscious woman's hair.

"Holtz, I love you." She planted a gentle kiss to her lips, bursting into sobs when she felt there was no breath there. She brought the engineer up into her arms, rocking her still body back and forth. "I am sorry it was too late."

She finally forced herself to let go, and ran towards the stairs, sobs still convulsing her body. 

She didn't hear the breath. 

She didn't hear the small movement of an arm.

What she did hear was a groan, and she turned, wide eyed, and saw Holtz sit up slowly, turning to face her. Her eyes were wide and confused, but they were a piercing blue, and her cheeks were full of colour again.

Holtz saw Erin, standing across the room, her face streaked with tears, staring at her incredulously, and honestly, she had never looked more beautiful. 

The she realised with a start that the voices were gone. The pain was gone. The fuzzy feeling in her head had disappeared. She felt nothing, and looked at Erin in astonishment.

"You... you... you cured me?" Holtz began to cry. "You cured me!"

Erin was by her side on the floor in an instant, wrapping the love of her life up in her arms, laughing at how she could feel her warmth now, feel the hearbeat beneath her skin, feel her breath in the crook of her shoulder.

"I love you Holtz." She whispered. "And I'm sorry it took you nearly dying for me to admit that."

 

Holtz looked up into Erin's face, taking in the beauty, the way her hair smelled, the way her eyes shone a deep green, the tear stains on her flushed cheek, and she realised she could enjoy these things for the rest of her long life.

Giving her a gentle kiss, Holtz hugged her again.

"I love you too."

When Abby and Patty ran up stairs to the sound of shouting voices, they joined them on the floor, all hugging and crying, and they knew this would be one of the best days of all their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone need tissues? Just me? Ok.


End file.
